Hot Toast Report: “Would you like some toast?”

It’s December already. Can you BELIEVE it? The temperature is dropping ever lower, but fortunately the hot stove is starting to heat up a bit. Here are a few of the names/rumors that have been poppin’ out of the toaster lately.

Troy Tulowitzki signed an extension that will keep him with the Rockies through 2020. Lots of years and lots of money involved. Also, lots of hair (it’s Troy Tulowitzki, after all. Wait, how did he escape my MLB Worst Hair list?) If this was the Cubs, Mr. Tulo would certainly be plagued by constant injuries and a little something called “I-forgot-what-a-bat-is-itis.” Since it’s not the Cubs, I freely extend congratulations to Mr. Tulo AND the Rockies organization on what is sure to be a long and productive relationship.

Derek Jeter has been causing something of a stir. Supposedly, his representatives have actually been contacted by teams other than the Yankees! GASP! I would be shocked if this amounted to anything whatsoever. Fans and media like to indulge in a little off-season soap opera drama, and I think that is why it’s being played up. Derek Jeter has been a Yankee, is a Yankee, and will be a Yankee. (Did you see the fun that The Beckett Blog had with these rumors? Behold.)

The Cubs… so many names of first basemen and starting pitchers have been thrown around that I find it hard to take any rumors seriously. A few of the crumbs I deemed worth chewing on:

Carlos Pena’s name has come up. I love Carlos Pena. I love him. I don’t think that he is the answer to the Cubs problems. I do think I would prefer him to Adam Dunn. Especially if he would sign for a one or two year deal. Someone half-decent to hold us over for a year or two is what the Cubs should be looking for, in my opinion.

Lance Berkman. Lance Berkman? Lance Berkman. Yeah. That would take some getting used to.

Brandon Webb. Injuries, schminjuries. I’d take Brandon Webb in a New York minute. Unfortunately, I think there are plenty of GMs out there who feel the same way. Mr. Webb will return to glory with some other team and the Cubs will end up with Vicente Padilla or Kevin Millwood. Sigh.

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One last thing. The Dodgers shipped Ryan Theriot to St. Louis. If The Riot had any admirers left in Chicago, he lost ‘em when he said: “I’m finally on the right side of the Cubs-Cardinals rivalry.” Ha. On a positive note, this comment inspired one of the best Twitter hashtags in recent memory.

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