“Mrs. Clayton, I’m receiving a psychic transmission from your husband. Really more of a voice mail. Status update. Perhaps a twitter.”

Quite a few ballplayers have jumped aboard the bandwagon that is Twitter and their numbers are increasing all the time (MLB keeps a list of those that are verified.) This is the primary reason I signed up myself. I now realize that Twitter is good for other things, too, but following baseball players is still the funnest part. What follows are my rulings on most of the Tweeting players, in random order. I’ve included a sample “tweet” from each one.

Joakim Soria (@JoakimSoria): My favorite munchkin-faced Kansas City closer tweets infrequently. This is perfectly fine, as it indicates he has a healthy lifestyle and is not spending too much time on the internet. I love his use of the English language with a passion. Ruling: Ground rule double

mmm is boring because i am not going to play winter ball because my wife is pregnant and she needs of my care”

CJ Wilson (@str8edgeracer): Not too enthusing, unless you are particularly interested in fancy cars or in CJ Wilson himself. Ruling: Balk

when I’m at the airport and I see stair cars, it reminds me of season 2 of arrested development”

Nick Swisher (@NickSwisher): I want to like Mr. Swisher, but his tweets are about as interesting as a trip to the DMV. Ruling: Rally-killing strike out.

Yankees win. Yankees win. The Yankees win. What a game. Wow”

Jason Grilli (@GrillCheese49): I enjoy Mr. Grilli enough to have recently traded a Bowman Heritage David Price rookie card for his own rookie card. He recently held followers in great suspense by divulging that he’d signed with a team, but not revealing who. We now know that the club in question is Cleveland, but the mystery was fun while it lasted. Ruling: Stand-up triple

Put the pen to paper. It is being sent out tomorrow. Sorry to keep ya all waiting. Just gotta respect my emplo http://tweetphoto.com/5591303″

Matt Kemp (@MattKemp27): For a significant while, I was not at all fond of Mr. Kemp. He has narrowly redeemed himself as of late by posting random photos of his grandmother’s cooking. Ruling: Bloop single

Yessir!!!! http://twitpic.com/rhjul

Rich Thompson/Ryan Rowland-Smith (@Chopper63/@hyphen18): I do not honestly know the difference between these two Australian AL West relief pitchers. But they’re Aussie baseball players… what more do you want? Ruling: Clean single

“http://twitpic.com/qw6k1 – The stash is coming in strong, not long to go! Movember.com”

First Day of Summer in the land of AUS!”

Seth McClung (@73_MC): Mostly talks about his baby, his wife, and his X-Box. Pleasant enough that I forgive him for being a Brewer. Ruling: RBI base hit

Little Madison is having a fussy day. Steph is out and it is my 1stday where Im alone dealing with a fussy baby! I finaly got her 2 sleep.”

Joe Maddon (@RaysJoeMaddon): Offers his managerial insight and answers fans’ questions, but also abbreviates too much. It’s OK to spread it between two tweets, Joe. Ruling: Base on balls

Off season we’ll take a break 4 a month or 2 B4 getting back after it. Winning in 2010 begins this winter. I stay in touch w/phone & emails”

Billy Butler (@BillyButlerKC): Pleasant in the same way that Seth McClung is. Ruling: solid single

Happy Anniversary to my wife! Been together for 6yrs & married for 2yrs! She is my best friend.”

Espy” Teahen (@ESPY_teahen): Mark Teahen tweets from the perspective of his dog. I’d prefer him without the gimmick. Ruling: E5

I’m only a dog, but even I know better than to cheer for the Redskins!”

Eric Young (@Eyjr): His tweets lack substance, but Mr. Young gets some points for seeming perpetually cheerful. Ruling: Reaches base on a dropped 3rd strike.

Rise & Grind tweeters. Let’s have productive days!”

Evan Longoria (@Evan3Longoria): A bit too fond of retweeting messages from female fans who think he’s attractive. Ruling: Strike out on a foul bunt attempt

“Taken a ton of pics of the trip to LA with my digital cam. Will share them in the next few days.” (Note: HE NEVER DID.)

Dirk Hayhurst (@TheGarfoose): Mr. Hayhurst makes checking one’s Twitterfeed a worthwhile pursuit. He is delightfully random and conducts frequent trivia contests with exciting prizes for the winners. Ruling: Walk-off grand-slam

Yes, I am a big league pitcher who sews, paints, writes, sculpts, loves his wife more than his paycheck, & has other interests besides ball.”

The jury is still out on: Craig Breslow (@CraigBreslow), Blake Hawksworth (@BlakeHawksworth), John Lannan (@Jlannan31), Colin Balester (@ballystar40)


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