Saying Goodbye: Reed Johnson

Well, rumor has it that Reed Johnson is on the cusp of a deal with the Dodgers. I reckon it’s time I suck it up and bit my favorite a fond farewell.

Reasons why I loved Reed Johnson:

  1. He did things like this. And this.
  2. He was a HBP MACHINE.
  3. He was a fan-friendly sweet-heart.
  4. He made me laugh.
  5. He wore his socks the correct way.
  6. He made Johan Santana look like a single-A pitcher.
  7. He kept a lovely blog.

I’ll leave you with a few excerpts from the blog that Reed kept last season (3/4 of which pertains to diminutive teammate Mike Fontenot) and, of course, the muppets.

As far as the NCAA tournament goes, I think I’ll have a better chance this year because I’m going to have my wife fill out a couple sheets. She’ll pick the teams because she thinks the Cardinals are cool or the Blue Devils are pretty neat. I think I’ve got five or six years running where I always get the worst sheet. That’s why I’m going to let her do it. I think I’ll have a better chance

Now, you see everybody dress up nice. Font got his new outfit from “Gap for Kids” and Theriot’s suit is from “Men’s Wearhouse.” When you see those things, you know it’s time to go.

I’ve never raced Joey [Gathright.] I have a pretty good feeling that he’s faster than I am. He’s probably jumped over a lot more cars than I have. I was thinking of putting something on YouTube of Reed Johnson jumping over a car and it may be a Matchbox type car or a Tonka truck. I’m sure people would get a kick out of that. That’s the extent of the cars I’ll jump over.

Theriot’s thing is hamburgers. He eats a lot of Drumsticks. Have you seen those ice cream things? I’ve seen him eat French toast. I just follow him around and try to eat whatever he eats. He’ll occasionally take his shirt off and go in the weight room but he just works beach muscles. It’s not functional stuff that would help you on the baseball field. He goes in there and does bi’s and tri’s and chest, and then checks out his spray tan in the mirror.

Font’s play Wednesday, on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say it was about a 7 or 8. A normal-sized person, it would take him from second base to where Font caught the ball about seven or eight steps. Font took like 30 steps because he has little mini steps. I guess we can call it a 9 then because that would add to the degree of difficulty. He had to go twice as far as I would have.

As for Font, they should look for some type of medicine in the offseason to help him grow. It’s going to be tough for him. I don’t know if they have machines to hook him up to and stretch him out or whatever. Maybe he’s only 12. Maybe he has a fake birth certificate. Maybe he could hit a growth spurt in the offseason. We’ll see.

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10 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye: Reed Johnson

  1. *Sniff* *Sniff* It’s very sad that Reed Johnson will not longer be a Cubbie. I will miss him. He was one of my favorites. An excellent player that always played hard! And of course, he’s funny.

  2. He played with heart… and played with all he had. Every team needs a “Reed Johnson”… and The Dodgers????? … and I do believe that a guy like Reed Johnson could be an important piece to building a championship.

    • I generally like everybody… when Mark DeRosa was traded, I ripped my clothing and gnashed my teeth. I like Theriot but with the surplus of middle-infielders in the system, I don’t see him being around for too many more years.

      P.S. I can use the word ‘moot’ however I darn well please! MOOT MOOT MOOT! ; )

  3. Pingback: Saying Goodbye: Reed Johnson | The Fair Base Ballist

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