It is my truest intent to treat all persons mentioned in this blog with fairness and civility. At the same time, people will frequently do and/or say things that tick me off. Instead of abusing these folks with harsh language, I am simply going to collect their names into an on-going list… I do not curse the days they were born, or wish evil upon their ancestors. I just want to give them a good slap in the face. With a fish, perhaps. Maybe a flip-flop, or a wet sock. But without further ado, the first installment of The Fair Base Ballist’s “Slap List!”
Bryce Harper: It is not that easy to get on my bad side, especially if you happen to be a baseball player. This kid, though… phew. Didn’t take him long. If you haven’t heard of him yet, you soon will. He could use a good humbling… he could really use a SLAP.
Broadcasters: If there is any group of people in baseball that I am NOT inclined to like, it’s TV and radio broadcasters. I once endured the Houston Astros’ radio crew for about two minutes and they were not distinguishable from a couple of inebriated fans. I could do a better job than the Cincinnati TV guys. Towering above them all is ESPN’s intolerable Joe Morgan. A solid SMACK for all of them, and prayers of thanks for the likes of Pat Hughes.
Kevin Youkilis: I have no vendetta against Mr. Youkilis. I don’t know that he is a particularly bad person. But he angered me this past season by charging the mound after the Tigers’ young Rick Porcello hit him with a pitch. Was the plunking intentional? Probably. But that doesn’t justify such unsportsmanlike conduct from Mr. Youkilis, especially as the pitcher involved was a 20-year-old rookie. I’m not holding a grudge, Youk, but before I move on… SLAP.
Zack Hample: It isn’t that have a distaste for grown men trying to catch foul balls at baseball games, it’s that Mr. Hample is so disgustingly smug and manipulative about it. I’m not impressed, Zack. SLAP!
My little brother: For thinking Zack Hample is cool… SLAP!