“I’ve developed a new philosophy. I only dread one day at a time.”

Well, dears, it’s mid-August and Chicago’s North-siders continue to entrench themselves in a mire of mediocrity. But, hey! That doesn’t mean we can’t still have some fun! With the Cubs losing in some of the most creative and imaginative ways possible, it’s almost worth tuning in just to see what is going to happen next. Here are a few possibilities I’ve thought up:

-An opponent hitting a walk-off inside-the-park home run… on a bunt attempt.

Tyler Colvin losing a fly ball in the moon.

-Alfonso Soriano hitting into a triple play in the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded in a 1-run game.

-Marlon Byrd going for a catch at the wall, disappearing into the ivy and never being seen again.

-Ryan Dempster throwing a no-hitter and still ending up as the losing pitcher.

More ideas, anyone?

Forgive the snark. I’m not trying to be vicious, I just can’t take any more doom and gloom. I can’t exactly be optimistic about a season like this, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be cheerful. Or try to, anyway.

Before Opening Day, I compiled a big fat list of projections for 2010 as a guest writer for The Cub Reporter. Now that the year is half gone, I am offering up a few additions and alterations to that list. Take note:

-Starlin Castro will hit for the cycle on the final day of the season.

-Since Ted Lilly is gone now, I now say that Ryan Dempster will hit a home run.

-Since Ted Lilly is gone now, he will almost certainly hit a home run for the Dodgers. I will hear about it and cry.

-Darwin Barney will earn a call-up in September and make the defensive play of the year.

-The combination of Brian Schlitter, Jeff Stevens, Mitch Atkins and Casey Coleman will be shuffled between Iowa and Chicago 59 more times.

-Jeff Baker will adopt a gerbil and name it Nibbles.

-If we don’t get no-hit by season’s end, I’ll be more surprised than not. I’m calling it happens against a rookie. Or a sophomore.

In late March, the following prediction was a part of my list:

Write this down: On August 17th Randy Wells will eat some bad pasta primavera at a sketchy San Diego bistro (he will have heard the chef there was reputable, a sad bit of misinformation.) Violently ill on August 18th, Randy will be unable to make his scheduled start. Sean Marshall, unsurprisingly, is the last minute replacement. He will take a no-hitter into the 8th inning. With 2 outs, he will lose the bid on a blasted infield single to stupid Will Venable. He’ll still end up with a 2-hit shutout.

I’m sticking with this basic idea, but change August 18th to September 29th (I had the home and road series against San Diego mixed up.) Also change Sean Marshall to Casey Coleman, and stupid Will Venable to blasted Ryan Ludwick.

It could happen. Just you watch.


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