Rhyme-o-rama 2012! Part One

For the past year or so, I have done a series of pre-season posts under the moniker of “Predictorama!”, in which I tried my hand at forecasting the future year in baseball. Results were usually somewhat strange, and required more than a modicum of brainpower to dream up. Bottom line: lots of work for comparatively puny results.

I was ready to trudge through another year of wringing the psychic juices from my wet rag of a mind, but then I had another idea…

Instead of boring old humor and time consuming photo-shop projects (image doctoring is really not my gift) what if I did this year’s prognostics in poetic form? A rhyming couplet for each player on the Cubs 25-man roster. Because that wouldn’t be more complicated at all.

And that is how this year’s “rama” came to be “rhyme-o” as opposed to “predict-o”.

This is the first installment. Please laugh with me and not at me.

~

Before looking to the future, let’s take a very quick look glance back…

A limerick to summarize 2011
There once was a team called the Cubs
With players that mostly were scrubs
They did what they could
But they weren’t very good
And the fans long bemoaned all their flubs.

For the team as a whole in 2012, I predict the same thing I do every year. I’m the non-commital sort, you know.

Some folks believe the Cubs will stink;
I say we’re better than they think.
Still others hold the Cubs are dope;
I fear we’re stinkier than they hope.

And before we get to the players, an itsy bitsy ode to Dale Sveum.

For Our New Manager
At the helm’s our new skipper
His name is Dale Sveum
Should the Cubs hit the cellar
He’ll shoulder the blame!

To wrap up the first installment of Rhyme-o-rama 2012, here are a few for the players.

Sir Ian Stewart inherits third base,
We hope that he will not fall flat on his face.

Matt Garza is super, and rare are his blunders,
But is he Man Or Muppet, is what I still wonders.

Will Carlos Marmol get any scarier?
Or might he defeat that mental barrier?

He may well be traded, from what I have heard,
But there’s still no denying it: Byrd is the Wyrd.

Christopher Volstad is very tall
I’ve nothing else to say at all.

~

Tune in next week for more exciting rhyming action!

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