2012 MLB Draft (In Names)

I’m running a few days behind with this post, but you’ll have to forgive me. Last week was a tad hectic. And it isn’t as if relevancy and timeliness have ever been strong points at The FBB, anyway.

Our subject this morning is the MLB first-year players draft, an event I always look forward to. And yes, I tend to sit and listen to every last name called. Do hours on end of this get boring? Perhaps a bit. But the pronouncement of each name is the sound of somebody’s dream coming true, and that’s pretty cool.

My #1 reason for tuning in to the draft is the hope that I’ll get to hear the name of someone I know (a former New Market Rebel, to be exact) announced. They may be few and far between, but it always makes for an exciting moment. This year, sadly, they were fewer and farther between than ever. We only had one Rebel alum selected, and it didn’t happen until the 37th round.

This might have made for a really depressing draft if it weren’t for my #2 reason for tuning in… names. Names, names, names. Cute names, silly names, ridiculously spelled names. Names that sound like a character out of a Dickens novel, and names that sound like a character out of Star Wars. I always enjoy listening to the draft for this reason, and this year was no exception. There were some true gems.

When most writers summarize the draft, they will offer comment and critique (or praise) on the quality of teams’ selections. I could try to do that, but I’m not going to. I don’t know exactly how the Cubs made out. And honestly, even the people who do know that don’t know that. Prospects are more mysterious than Baseball America would have us believe.

So instead of seriousness, I have some silliness and fun today (in the form of a handful of names.) These are the top 30+ names that piqued my interest in this year’s draft.


Patrick Wisdom. One wouldn’t expect such a fellow to make many mental errors, would one? I’m pretty sure one TOOTBLAN from Mr. Wisdom would be all it would take to crush my faith in humanity.

Jesse Winker. 😉

Max Foody & Nick Goody. RHYME TIME! As if these names wouldn’t have been fun enough by themselves.

Buck Farmer. Perhaps receiving the opportunity to play professional baseball is a dream-come-true for this lad, but I think he missed his calling. How much cooler would it be if he ran a deer farm? Buck Farmer’s Buck Farm.

Dalton Von Schamann. What a total movie-bad guy name! I’ll be disappointed if I find out Dalton doesn’t speak with a silly accent and have a skinny mustache.

Maxx Tissenbaum. And another total movie-bad guy name.

Correlle Prime. No, Correlle Prime isn’t the latest in dinnerware. He is a pitcher from Florida.

Brock Dykxhoorn, Kayvon Bahramzadeh, Jason Leblebijian. Uhh… good luck with that, PA announcers of America.

Marc Wik. Following the selection of Mr. Wik, I was immediately possessed by the desire to go and watch the Monty Python and the Holy Grail opening credits on YouTube. And I did.

Skye Bolt. I feel like this would be the name of a character in a made-for-TV Disney movie that takes place in the future.

Rob Refsnyder. Quirky AND alliterative. Win-win!

Sam Gillikin. Now all we need is a Winkie (although we have a Winker, which is close enough in my book), a Quadling, and a Munchkin!

Zachariah Edgington, Phildrick Llewellyn, Zebulon Sneed. Any other Dickens fans in the house?

Reid Scoggins. This one is just short of Dickensian-ness, in my opinion. But it’s still a fantastic name. If I knew Reid, I would never, ever use his first name.

Goose Kallunki. I, for one, have never met a “Goose” I didn’t like.

Torsten Boss and Breland Almadova. I’d be friends with these guys. Judging from their names, they came here from the future in a time machine. And who wouldn’t want a friend with a time machine?

Anthony Bemboom. Bemboom? Bemboom. I see a lot of potential here.

Ryan Ripken, Rustin Sveum, Jordan Hershiser, Mike Yastremzki. Sound familiar? Being the offspring of anyone with Major League ties clearly has its perks. On a side note, doesn’t it make you feel absolutely ancient that Cal Ripken has a kid old enough to be playing pro?

Bo Altobelli. Dig it.

Storm Throne. Fantasy-world tyrant/dictator? I don’t even know what to do with this one. It’s just brilliantly bizarre, isn’t it?

Sly Edwards. What a throwback name! I love it. Boy do I ever love it!

Jamodrick McGruder. Probably my second favorite name of the entire draft.

Will Hurt. And probably my all-around favorite. Although, if I were a big-leage club, I’d be half afraid to draft a player with this name.
Last but not least!:

John Sgromolo. Congratulations John, and best of luck as your career progresses!


3 thoughts on “2012 MLB Draft (In Names)

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