Seeing Double: Reloaded

I am so excited to be bringing you another edition of Seeing Double… it is absolutely one of my favorite things in the world, even if inspirations are sadly too few to permit anything but infrequent installments.

Today’s look-a-likes are the result of my having watched nothing but British programming and “24” on Netflix for a span of several months. If you know who more than half of these actors are, congratulations… you’re as crazy as I am.

This isn’t the strongest batch I’ve produced, but it’s still good fun, eh?

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Jeff Niemann/Jeff Daniels:

I actually plagiarized this one from somebody, but I don’t remember who. Sincerest apologies to the mystery individual.

Rich Harden/Chad Lowe:

Eye twins!

Tony Campana/Michael Angarano:

Not only do these guys resemble each other a great deal, they also both look a lot like Fievel Mouskewitz

Brandon (Cotton) Dickson/Laurence Fox:

I was delighted to discover that my only favorite Cardinal ever has an English doppleganger.

Mike Fontenot/Bradley James:

This might be a poor photographic specimen, but how often does one find pictures of random British actors donning t-shirts of American baseball clubs? Not bloomin’ often, my friends.

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Saying Goodbye: Mike Fontenot

Here is a quick late-night post to bid a fond farewell to Michael Eugene Fontenot. Post trade-deadline trades are always horribly sneaky, so I am whipping this up on the spot.

I am sure that Mike Fontenot gets sick of people going on about his height, but it is probably my favorite thing about him. It didn’t surprise Cubs fans, after he’d been with us awhile, when he’d come up and hit a jack. But the world at large always seemed shocked that a little guy could hit home runs. I loved the fact that Font was “Little Babe Ruth,” breaking down stereotypes of the diminutive. Loved it. I will miss his littleness.


I used to think Font something of a weirdo, and didn’t love him for it. I changed my mind earlier this year, though. He received rave reviews from some Pittsburgh autograph hounds, and those people are typically: A. Very gossipy, and B. Harsh judges. If they say nice things about someone, that person is probably a pretty good egg. The next day we discovered for ourselves in Cincinnati that Font was pretty much as good an egg as the dudes in Pittsburgh claimed he was. He was more than gracious to my sister and me.

So… goodbye Fontie, and best of luck in San Francisco. When I remember you, it will be with a loving smirk.

“When putting away your luggage after arriving home, always close the zippers so bugs can’t crawl in.”

Author’s Note: The following post includes significant Starlin Castro-inspired enthusiasm. Nothing that has happened since his stellar debut has really dampened my excitement over him, and it is my opinion that the individuals who booed Starlin during last night’s game should all be hit square in the face with a sock full of pennies.

I hope nobody will hate me for relating every minute detail of the little trip I went on last week. Friday’s game was by far the best Cubs one I have ever been to in person, and the entire day was just flat out awesome. If it ever sounds like I’m bragging, forgive me. I am not trying to… I honestly had an incredible few days and count them as a tremendous blessing. If I could give everyone a little of my leftover joy, I would. And Cubs Nation would have a few more happy campers. Continue reading

“I would never fight Font, but if I did, I’d hammer him, and he knows that.”

I didn’t have anything planned for today. I thought if I didn’t find anything then I’d just put up some of the amusing Mike Fontenot pictures that have surfaced this spring. And then I discovered an interview with, who else? Mike Fontenot. So, I have decided to declare it Mike Fontenot day here at the FBB.

You can find the radio interview with Mike here. Happy Mike Fontenot Day! And Happy Garfoose’s Birthday, as well.

“He looks like he’s in pain, [but] he can’t say it.”

If you’ve ever been to a major-league baseball game, or visited any number of baseball related websites, you’ve seen them. I’m referring to those player profile photos… you know the ones. They appear in publications and on jumbotrons across the nation. I am certain that, like me, you have noticed these photos, and how terrible they can be. When I say terrible, I mean TERRIBLE. Just, bad bad bad. You would think the Major Leagues could do better. As long as they can’t, though, why not go ahead and make this tantalizing fodder into a fun l’il game?

The object of the “game” is simply to make up situations based on the player’s facial expressions. Is he in pain? Tired? Bloated? Intoxicated? The more creative the better.

Here’s a first round, in which I’ve used pictures from previous years (the 2010 batches should be coming soon.) Feel free to comment with your own captions.

Ryan Theriot – The Riot has been driving for 24 hours straight and also has a case of the sniffles. He is hopped up on caffeine, cold medicine, and gummy worm sours. He has all but lost the will to find another station when Phil Collins starts playing on the radio.

Jose Reyes – Just saw his first shooting star.

Heath Bell – Heath tried to stuff a few boxes of twinkies in his jacket leaving the 7-11 and got busted. This is his mugshot.

Troy Tulowitzki – “Look at the bunny, Troy! Looook at the bunny! Theeere’s a smile! Keep looking at the bunny! Goood boy!” *Click, click, flash*


Johan Santana – Just received some vaccinations. He didn’t cry, and is accepting his lollipop proudly and tremblingly.

Mike Fontenot – Someone just called his mama fat. Look out.

Henry Blanco – Henry is tied to a chair and (off camera) all his family is tied as well. They have been captured by murderous pirates on the high seas. At this moment, several of the captors are holding machine guns to Henry’s family while one of them is shouting at him, “SMILE! Or they all die!

“Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart.”

I had hoped I’d be able to scrounge up a little audio by this point. No such luck. Next week, perhaps. Instead, here are some more springy photos for our eye-feasting pleasure, which have been scavenged from various sites across the web.

Angel Guzman gives a pat on the head to fellow relief pitcher Carlos Marmol. The real question: Why is he wearing a batting helmet?

Newbie Marlon Byrd shows the fans a little love

Mike Fontenot and his hair

Pitching coach Larry Rothschild and air-horn… this might be the picture of the spring so far.

Saying Goodbye: Reed Johnson

Well, rumor has it that Reed Johnson is on the cusp of a deal with the Dodgers. I reckon it’s time I suck it up and bit my favorite a fond farewell.

Reasons why I loved Reed Johnson:

  1. He did things like this. And this.
  2. He was a HBP MACHINE.
  3. He was a fan-friendly sweet-heart.
  4. He made me laugh.
  5. He wore his socks the correct way.
  6. He made Johan Santana look like a single-A pitcher.
  7. He kept a lovely blog.

I’ll leave you with a few excerpts from the blog that Reed kept last season (3/4 of which pertains to diminutive teammate Mike Fontenot) and, of course, the muppets.

As far as the NCAA tournament goes, I think I’ll have a better chance this year because I’m going to have my wife fill out a couple sheets. She’ll pick the teams because she thinks the Cardinals are cool or the Blue Devils are pretty neat. I think I’ve got five or six years running where I always get the worst sheet. That’s why I’m going to let her do it. I think I’ll have a better chance

Now, you see everybody dress up nice. Font got his new outfit from “Gap for Kids” and Theriot’s suit is from “Men’s Wearhouse.” When you see those things, you know it’s time to go.

I’ve never raced Joey [Gathright.] I have a pretty good feeling that he’s faster than I am. He’s probably jumped over a lot more cars than I have. I was thinking of putting something on YouTube of Reed Johnson jumping over a car and it may be a Matchbox type car or a Tonka truck. I’m sure people would get a kick out of that. That’s the extent of the cars I’ll jump over.

Theriot’s thing is hamburgers. He eats a lot of Drumsticks. Have you seen those ice cream things? I’ve seen him eat French toast. I just follow him around and try to eat whatever he eats. He’ll occasionally take his shirt off and go in the weight room but he just works beach muscles. It’s not functional stuff that would help you on the baseball field. He goes in there and does bi’s and tri’s and chest, and then checks out his spray tan in the mirror.

Font’s play Wednesday, on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say it was about a 7 or 8. A normal-sized person, it would take him from second base to where Font caught the ball about seven or eight steps. Font took like 30 steps because he has little mini steps. I guess we can call it a 9 then because that would add to the degree of difficulty. He had to go twice as far as I would have.

As for Font, they should look for some type of medicine in the offseason to help him grow. It’s going to be tough for him. I don’t know if they have machines to hook him up to and stretch him out or whatever. Maybe he’s only 12. Maybe he has a fake birth certificate. Maybe he could hit a growth spurt in the offseason. We’ll see.