Joey Votto | The Fair Base Ballist

It is time for Part II of Predictorama! 2011, which by now you have probably realized is little more than a mish-mash of nonsense, bias, and brain burps. Of course, 98.7% of this entire blog consists of little more than nonsense, bias, and brain burps.

Anyway, today I present you with my nonsense, bias, and brain burps (in future tense!) as the relate to the NL and AL Central divisions. I have excluded the Cubs, as I hope to churn out a Predictorama piece dedicated to them entirely before the season starts.

AL Central:

Kansas City journeyman Bruce Chen will take a no-hitter into the ninth inning. I’ll giggle.

Justin Morneau will return from his concussed 2010 season with a secret super power (unfortunately, it’s x-ray vision, which doesn’t really help him in baseball at all.)

I don’t have any predictions for Detroit. I just want to point out that they have got lead the majors in players native to Virginia. VA PRIDE!

AL Comeback Player of the Year: Grady Sizemore. Unless he keeps being hurt.

First place: Minnesota Twins

Last place: Cleveland Indians

NL Central:

Adam Wainwright is totally getting Wally Pipped by Cotton Dickson.

While on an early evening pleasure cruise in the Goodyear Blimp, Prince Fielder suddenly and inexplicably falls from the craft. Fortunately, he is wearing his game jersey, which acts as a parachute and he is able to float safely down to the ground.

Hunter Pence and Ryan Braun will meet and engage in a staring contest. It ends in a draw after 13 hours.

First Place: Because the Cubs aren’t a clever choice, I refuse to pick anyone. I’m bitter like that.

Last Place: Sorry, Pittsburgh, I really am. Well… not really, but sort of.

While last evening’s All Star Game was riddled with a million little things that made me want to throw forks and spoons at the television set, it was also the best Midsummer Classic I’ve ever watched. The NL at last ended that 14 year streak, thanks in no small part to lone Cub rep Marlon Byrd, and my favorite major-league catcher, Brian McCann. Kudos and kisses to those fellas.

Here are a couple of quotes from last night:

“I’m going to host the whole thing. … I’m going to host it—have some fun, smile, kiss some babies.” -Torii Hunter, of the host LA Angels of A

“Catchers know. He can bang. He can flat-out rake, and the reason he doesn’t get noticed very much is because he’s that good of a catcher. Good catchers don’t get noticed. That’s the job, and he’s just out there every year, getting it done and being one of the best in the game.” -John Buck (Toronto)

“Marlon made a good throw to second and it was a great play. It was the only play he had. If that ball gets by him, it would have been second and third with one out. I’m happy for Marlon. He deserves it. I’m proud of him.” -Brandon Phillips (Cincinnati)

“I don’t like the Cubs. And I’m not going to pat anybody with a Cubs uniform on the back.” -Joey Votto (Cincinnati)

Mr. Phillips > Mr. Votto

And now, here are a bunch of pictures. Because I’m lazy and don’t feel like writing any more.